about coming into my own by coming full circle.
When I was a little girl, I always thought I was special and that I was destined to have a really amazing life. My parents were loving and rock-solid supportive. Up until the fourth grade, I never looked at myself as anything but a shining light of happiness.
But when I was about ten or eleven, all that confidence and self-esteem flew out the window when kids started hurling cruel remarks at me. I had never looked at myself in a negative way until other kids pointed out my “failings.”
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Me at age 11 |
I was chubby, wore braces, had a bad eighties perm, and freckles that I should have been loving but was instead being teased about. Classmates called me “basketball head.” They snickered about my non-designer clothing. Their taunts of “thunder thighs, fat butt” echoed in my head.
I remember one day in art class, we traced our silhouettes onto construction paper and hung them up for fellow students to identify. One kid said, “Oh, you can tell which one Carmindy is—the one with the double chin.” That comment stayed with me for years.
When junior high hit, I started playing with makeup—or, should I say, piling it on. I slathered on foundation to cover my freckles. I smudged loads of brown powder into my cheeks in an attempt to contour away the “basketball” roundness. And eyes? I’m surprised I could lift my lids! Not only did I overcompensate, I did a poor job of it.
Like many women, I let others’ opinions shape how I felt about my looks.
I remember saving up for a trip to a fancy hair salon. When I sat in that chair, the stylist told me I had a huge forehead and should always wear bangs. So I followed his orders for fear of blinding people with my enormous dome.
While I was busy trying to disguise my flaws, I was doing something else entirely: erasing my true self and extinguishing that bright, shiny light I used to feel as that “star” of a little girl.
But when I started doing makeup professionally, learning about techniques and seeing features differently, I began finding beauty in so many people. Including me.
There wasn’t one aha moment. But I started questioning those old criticisms. What were those nasty people talking about? Why was I giving them any of my energy? Why was I still hearing their voices?
I decided to shut them up and start listening to my inner voice instead. A round face is just as lovely as a narrow one; foreheads big or small mean nothing in terms of self-worth. I began embracing myself by focusing on the positive. Buh-bye, makeup mask!
At the mirror, my mantra was no longer, Ugh, these cheeks. It became, Hey gorgeous, look at those great eyes andfantastic smile. Was it easy to do? Nope. But I was determined to change my life, one positive thought at a time.
And guess what? It totally changed everything.
I retrained my brain beyond how I thought about my looks. I used every spare moment to envision feeling happy and confident and energized. If I caught myself being self-critical, I’d put on the brakes and force myself to say something kind and inspiring.
During this transformation, I went a little overboard in the other direction: I stopped wearing makeup altogether. Somehow I needed to face the world with a naked face in order to re-create my self-image. Step-by-step, I learned new makeup techniques and used myself as a guinea pig. If I tried something out and it looked like a mask, I would take it off and not use it on anybody else.
I learned how to polish my own natural beauty and did the same with my clients. I noticed that if I simply played up their best features—using only the right products in the right places—women sparkled more than if I gave them the full-on application.
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You might think a complete makeover with a totally new face painted on would be a wonderful surprise. I’m here to tell you it isn’t true. You might say “wow,” but you wouldn’t sparkle; you’d be startled because you wouldn’t recognize yourself.
But when you enhance your unique assets, you delight in seeing your best self, the one you always knew was there. The true, beautiful you.
I’ve seen it a thousand times! Beauty radiates with a hundred times the oomph when a woman powers up her potential and puts her best features forward. Hey world, this is me! To the nth degree!
Confidence exudes beauty; insecurity undercuts it. I’ve worked with models who were considered to be the feminine ideal yet felt horrible about their appearance. They obsessed over the smallest flaw, ignoring their blessings. And you know what? I wouldn’t trade faces with any of ’em Selfhatred isn’t pretty.
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Today I prefer to treasure what I have instead of wasting time and energy on playing comparison games. I like to say I polish what I own. I don’t try to change it, re-create it, or conjure it up with hocuspocus trickery. I just take really, really good care of myself—emotionally and physically—and walk out the door every day feeling great.
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Someone once asked me, “When do you feel most beautiful?” I told her it happens every day, twice a day. First, when I step out of the shower feeling fresh and clean and take a moment to slather on some creamy lotion. And second, when I first step onto the sidewalk, working my 5-minute face. I know I’ve enhanced my natural beauty with a little foundation, highlighter, cheek and lip color, and definition around the eyes. I just feel like I’ve taken care of me and can now let the day bring me its challenges and triumphs. I’m ready for anything!
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Getting to this place of peaceful confidence wasn’t easy, but it was as simple as deciding to take one step in that direction. Then the next one. And another. It’s an incredibly freeing journey I hope you’ll take and make your own.
So come on! Dump that boring, negative tape filled with those discouraging voices of people who don’t mean a thing to you today. And instead, embrace the best parts of you, nurturing your gifts so they grow and expand to arenas far beyond the mirror.
When you change your focus to the positive, you turn on a certain light and energy that attracts all the good stuff.
And oh honey, how you’ll shine!
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